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Chrissy Teigen returned to social media on Tuesday, October 27 to reflect on the tragic loss of her third pregnancy. The cookbook author shared a heartbreaking post about the day she and her husband, John Legend, lost their third child, Jack following complications and bleeding during Chrissy’s pregnancy.

The couple announced the addition to their family over the summer, but as Teigen documented her journey, she revealed she was on bedrest for more than month prior to Jack’s death before being diagnosed with “partial placenta abruption.”

In her post, she details what happened leading up to the loss and how she’s been dealing with it since.

“I had always had placenta problems. I had to deliver Miles a month early because his stomach wasn’t getting enough food from my placenta. But this was my first abruption,” she wrote on Medium. “We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop. In bed, I bled and bled, lightly but all day, changing my own diapers every couple of hours when the blood got uncomfortable to lay in.”

Teigen also recalled her constant efforts to remain hopeful, “twisting [doctor’s] negative words into positives,” before she ultimately had to accept that Jack would not make it.

“He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either,” she continued. “We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn’t done anything at all. Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning. I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness. Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again.”

You can read Chrissy’s post in its entirety here.